My
Dearest Parker,
Today you are celebrating your 6th
birthday in Heaven. It’s so hard to
believe that you are six years old now.
Somehow I am still six years later at a total loss for words on what it
was like to be with you in the final moments of your life. Trying to memorize every single detail of
your sweet face and fragile body.
Knowing that it would be the last time I would see or hold you until we
meet again in Heaven. Time has flown by at
a miraculous pace my sweet girl but there isn’t a day that’s gone by that we
haven’t felt the pain and sorrow of your passing.
Your life has given us so much in the last
6 years you’ve been gone. I have tried
over and over to not let your death define who I was and yet the more I tried not to label myself through you the more I
realized the impact you have left on my life. Your life redefined who I am as
mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. You are one of the most important
things that has ever happened to me and I can’t help but be moved and touched
by the giant impact you left behind and the gifts you have given me.
You
taught me so much in the short 20 hours that you graced our lives. I remember the exact moment we made the
decision to remove you from life support.
The hardest decision we have ever had to make. I watched you in your Daddy’s arms gasping
for air and I remember the moment you took your last breath. I felt a part of me die. It was honestly the most bittersweet moment
of my life. I knew the moment you died
your sweet body entered the beautiful gates of Heaven whole and healthy but it
also meant that I would never see your smile, hear your laugh or cry, see you
graduate from high school, help you pick out your wedding dress or see you
become a mother. I felt like I had been robbed of so much and
now I know that it’s all part of the plan that God has for our family.
Your
life has humbled me in so many ways. Your
Daddy and I have grown closer together through our challenges although it
hasn’t always been easy. We’ve seen some dark days but we always knew that in
the end we would still be standing side by side. On so many occasions we were told that
marriages didn’t survive in situations like our own but our marriage has
survived. Your Daddy and I continue to
grow and change daily from this tragedy and I believe we will for the rest of
our lives. How does losing a child not somehow change and
reshape who you are and how you live?
The
legacy you left us is amazing beyond words.
I never imagined that your life would be what it is today. You have left behind something life changing
not just for us but for every single person who hears your story. I promised you as you lay fighting for your
life that I would die telling your story and I assure you that nothing has
changed. The foundation and Parker’s
House were just the beginning of our journey together. Thank you for trusting us with so much.
I
don’t know that time heals the pain but I know that time has given me the
opportunity to sort things out. I have
found peace with your death. And I am
trying to put my heart back together piece by piece. Your beautiful sister Landry helps with
that. I think the most valuable lesson
that I have learned from you is that the true measure of life is not the type
of experiences we go through but rather how we grow because of them. I have
grown from everything that has happened, Parker. If someone would have asked me
a 3 years ago to find purpose in your loss I would have been angry. But I know
I am a better person today. I know that I am a stronger and more kindhearted
person because of your life and death.
You’ve
given me so much, Parker, but more than anything you have given me hope. Hope to carry on each and every day. You are more than just my daughter. You are my guardian angel. You help keep me grounded. And you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be
broken and fragile. You’ve taught me
that life truly is what you make of it. I
embrace all that you have given me and taught me. I hope I’ve made you proud, Parker.
I am beyond blessed to be you & Landry’s mother. Thank you for touching my life in so many ways. Today you celebrate your 6th birthday sweet girl and I feel your presence today just like I do every day. I know that today we are together because you live forever in my heart. Until we meet again sweet girl……
You are forever loved.
You are never forgotten.
I love you, Parker.
Mommy
